My Pussy Hurts . . .

     I have the wonderful honor of having my annual MPH appointment with a new doctor this week. Actually, she isn't even an "M.D;" she is a "nurse practitioner." I have been told that a registered N.P. can do anything a doctor can do, except the surgical removal of hemorrhoids. No, only kidding. An N.P. can do anything but surgery in general. Well, maybe the hemorrhoid removal was a bad example, seeing as how it would be quite weird to experience hemorrhoidalesque activity in one's vaginal region anyhow.

     Okay, getting off topic here. My point of bitch this post is that I do not like these things, never have. Shouldn't I ask her to buy me a drink before I allow some stranger to stick her fingers up my twat?!?! Seeing a new medical professional is hard enough, but if I had better insurance, then perhaps I would still be seeing the same doctor I was several years ago! If she's going to violate me with her hands, I feel as if the rest of her staff is potentially anal probing me. Seriously! Have you seen the questions they ask you on the damn new patient forms??? Age of first menstruation? How many sex partners? Safe sex every time? Do you swallow? (Okay, okay, I made that last one up, but still . . . ) I forgot his name, but it reminds me of the drugged-out black guy in that viral video: "Hide your husbands, hide your wives, 'cuz they be rapin' errbody out here." That's the way I feel when I have this screening done. I'm just glad that a lady is performing this lovely service. I know she can't drug and impregnate me. God, I watch too many MPH movies . . .